I don't wanna dissapoint...

[J&B]

I have a problem. I am a nice, and nice looking guy. Sometimes, even at shul, I can feel that some girls are really hooked up on me. I can see how they melt just by me telling them Good Shabbos with a smile.

Many of them, I like a lot. They are really nice persons. Some of them they just do not appeal to my taste. I know I would never want a love relationship with them.

Until now, I would just avoid getting involved too much with them, just in order not to create on them false expectations. See, I like them. I don't want a dissapoint them.

Do you think I'm right?

[whuknu]

about not wanting to disappoint them? in terms of what? what kind of false expectations?

[PrUnE]

just because girls say hey with a smile doesnt mean they like u, alot of girls say hey to me with a smile that doesnt mean they like me.

[PrUnE]

thats like a rabbis point of veiw, when a girl says hi to u that means they like u, heh, how wrong they are........

[J&B]

I meant that I smiled... I have plenty of experience and years of reading on the topic of body language. There are many ways you can tell a girl is looking up to you and thinking "wow..."

Dissapoint them, in creating the false expectation of having me as a boyfriend or whatever...

[whuknu]

lol- u would still be surprised- i can be pretty flirtatios and seem like i want a guy- but in reality, i'm just in a flirty mood.

[J&B]

i still think i am able to tell the difference ("flirtatious" -lol!)
anyway, so what do you suggest?
Let's say there is this guy that really turns u on. He starts being nice to you. Starts chatting and throwing sudden compliments at you. Would you be hurt if you find out that he is not really atracted by u at all???

[whuknu]

aright i know i cant spell especially when im typing fast... lol
Yes i would be
i hate those kind of guys that are so sweet that every girl falls for them and then they realize they dont have a chance- those are the guys i usually tend to fall for.

[J&B]

Oh! I'm so sorry, I didn't mean to laugh at your mispelling... I just thought the term itself was funny, it happens that when I read it an image popped into my mind of a girl I know that that term was surely created for her!

Back to the point, so you see my concern now? i don't wanna be that kind of guy. i know that girls will fall for me... So, do you think I should js=ust keep some distance just to avoid that kind of situation?

(It all started when i realized that what matters the most to girls is feeling they are special to someone. Obviously tht would imply exclusivity... That they and only they are the special ones. Cuz when everybody is special no1 is special...)

[whuknu]

oh its ok i dont even care that much. lol. dont wry bout it.
well for one thing- im srue u prob dont act like this but since this is anonymous- if u sed this to my face i'd probably think u were some big egoed jerk and not talk to u nemore lol. nah im jk dont do this cuz then everyone will think ur a jerk...
if i were u- id keep my distance. if u wanted to date one of them, then ask them out or whtvr, but i would keep my distance if i were u and i didnt want to date this girl/girls. it kinda feels like the guy is playing games with our hearts when we think they lik us cuz they act that waybut really they are like that way with every girl.... uniqueness is good.

[J&B]

I went too far with my frank convictions... beyond the boundaries of female feelings. Sorry.

I really thought that girls like to feel they are special to someone... your subjective opinion would obviously prevail over my ignorance on this point.

[forget]

um no offense but i think you're thinking a little too highly of yourself. girls flirt with guys and guys flirt with girls. it's nature. doesn't mean they all wanna go out with you. don't get too big of an ego from a little flirting. and we girls can take it. by being friendly you shouldn't disappoint. i think it's more disappointing if you were to spend hours on the phone and computer talking and developing a close relationship and hanging out and THEN telling them you aren't interested in anything. THAT"S what ultimately burns. otherwise some superficial friendliness shouldn't crush anyone.

[whuknu]

J&B- i dont know about other girls, but i do like to feel special to someone. if u act like every girl is very special that could go either way i guess. like they could realize that u just like to make ppl feel special and they might take u to be a good friend, or they could take it that u think only they are special... i dk but i know its happened to me that ive fallen for the nice guy... thats just the type i like unfortunately.

[J&B]

sorry for the arrogance...
I agree that even most of the times girls' nature is to flirt and to try to be attractive. But there are those specific, too evident gestures, that u can't do but realize, "this girl really falls for me"...

[whuknu]

what r these signs that u see that shes really fallen for u? did she tell u?

[J&B]

it is not a specific she... it happens a lot!

...before i notice she is staring at me... every single ocasion! I give that spontaneous glance and she starts hand-combing her hair and playing with her jewlery. when I talk to her I notice that she is moving along with my own body movements... I know my jokes aren't that good, but she will laugh at every single one of them! etc...

There are ways to know...

[whuknu]

sounds like me on a regular basis for some of those things- i always need something to play with- be it my hair or my bracelet- doesnt matter who im talking to.

[WhoAmI]

srry J & B i wish i could help but to me social pressure sucks..w/ all my friends hookin up these days, i look at all regular friendships and wrry that the grl likes me. is there any realy way to know for sure? is it ok to go out w/ some1 just b/c they like u and u hope u will come to like them?

[whuknu]

i dont think its ok to go out with someone and just hope for the best. i mean if u think u might realllly like them then ok, but come on, do u really want to date someone u dont like realize that u still dont like them and jsut dump them? that kinda hurts...

[WhoAmI]

could also ruin the friendship...but i guess if u think something is there its ok. what if a grl tells you she likes you? and you dont wanna go out? think it ruins a friendship? would you stop talking to a boy who rejected you?

[whuknu]

it really depends on the case. personally i dont have the guts to tell guys when i like them... i did once and it didnt have a very good turn out... it could ruin the friendship but it might not. i wouldnt stop being friends with him on purpose but sometimes it happens...

[J&B]

what if a guy approaches you and tells you he likes you, or that you are very pretty today, or i love that smile...? would you expect it to go beyond? would you interpret it as an invitation to start a relatioship? (sorry about my 'erudite vocabulary' today... i'm writing this way after writing a paper for over two hours!)

[whuknu]

if its someone who i am good friends with i would probably just take it as a compliment and leave it at that- if it was some random guy id be like why r u tellling me this...

[WhoAmI]

i could see that freaking out some1 you dont know... in terms of hitting on friends i think its best if you talk to them seriously if they are good friends