life after HS

[Tigger5741]

I see no one ever posted anything here, and i figured as resident college student, i might be a good place to start. when i was in HS i couldn't wait to get to college and do whatever i wanted, then i actually GOT to college. while HS was stressful, college was jsut as stressful, and here there were no parents to make sure everything got done on time and that i was on the bus on time or anything, it was kind of scary. then there was the Jewish aspect. no one was making me learn or do anything "Jewish". i figured i'd do whatever the hell i wanted, but you know something? when no one was "forcing" me, i found doing the "Jewish thing" a lot easier, and even more fun. here the community was not made up of grown ups, but of kids my age, and the grown ups that are around, aren't making us do anything, it all has to come from within ourselves, and huess what? we have minyanim every day and every Shabbat, we have Shabbat meals and learning. And it's so much more relaxing, because we all made the choice to do this, rather than being forced into it.
Anyhow, so if anyone wants to ask questions or find out cool stuff about college, please psot, i'll be glad to answer whatever questions you guys have!

[Bongo_Dude]

are you allowed to tell us what college you are at?? To be safe, mebbe just tell us where it is (general vicinity) and stuff about it - how many students, how many jews, etc. etc. thanx

- B.D.

[kiyara]

its really good that you felt this way, and did the jewish stuff on your own. i know that it can sometimes work out the other way, and when you have the opportunity to go to a minyan, say its on shabbos. many people feel lieknobody knows them there like their jewish community at home did...whats wrong with sleeping in? Your only motivation has to come from something inside of you, and if you are not so strong yet inside, then you dont always do it. Thats why instead of leaving it to the israel yeshivas, our high schools should make some sort of drastic change to help us feel spiritual within ourswlves so that whatever we do after HS we are able to continue our judaism and observances.
oh yea! good post!

[raistlin]

"Thats why instead of leaving it to the israel yeshivas, our high schools should make some sort of drastic change to help us feel spiritual within ourswlves so that whatever we do after HS we are able to continue our judaism and observances."

see the feature article - it's great

[Tigger5741]

Hey BD,
I personally have no problem telling you what college I'm in, I'm at Rutgers here in NJ and the Jewish community (Orthodox and otherwise) is quite large. which actually makes the motivation greater (great way to meet future wives/husbands is at social/religious events at places like Hillel and Chabad, trust me) at first I went to these plcaes because I needed to eat (I was on a kosher meal plan at Chabad my first two years at school) and while i don't make it to minyan too often, i've had Chavrutas and shiurim and great shabbat experiences here. often the motivation is purely social, but people also find it very difficult to break with what they are used to/comfortable with and go somewhere that seems familair, even people who claim they no longer have interst in Judaism will come, because they are familair with the going ons. at first i wasn't so sure i'd want to be frum in college, but because i was comforatble at Chabad and Hillel (because i already knew people there) I stuck around and discovered that doing things on your own, without it being crammed down your throat was much more pelasant. I'll admit I had some religious issues, and i tried a couple of different paths, (believe it is very easy to get tempted and swayed by the world around you) because i still maintained my ties with the Jewish communities i stayed religious. i still struggle with issues all the time, but it's become easier and easier. what Kiyara and Raistlin sya is true, we need the high schools to boost our inspiration in God and Judaism. Religion comes from the heart and soul, and if you don't feel it, you won't do it whne you are given choices. And feel free to let me know if you guys want to come spend a shabbos here, I'll figure out how to arrange it anonymously! :)

[Bongo_Dude]

rutgers is actually my backup so its good to have an inside perspective. I'm glad to see that the community is strong and conducive to observance. I think I'm pretty set on being observant in college, but I dont want to go to an environment where it would be difficult. I agree, however, that high schools need to do a little more to strengthen the beliefs of those going off to college. sure, those who are strong to begin with have fewer problems than others, but what about the rest of the kids who arent so strong and could be influenced in the wrong way. Something to work on, I guess.

- B.D.

[Thirtygoatsforyourwife]

Togger5741, it's really great and all that you found interest in judiasm by your own choice, but i am right now sorta in the stage you were bakk when you were ending high-school. I'm not sure either wheter i'd like to be frum and all in college, in fact i'm in a stage of wondering whether to be religious or not. The only thing though is i do believe in judiasm, i just don't want to be so into it right now. So i wanted to ask you, since you're in college and even-though you live in a great sommunity, what would you suggest i would do not to 'llose it all' when i'll go to college, especially due to the fact that i'm not planing on going to a place where a hillel or chanad is located. I mean i know you kept your religion cause you live in a nice chilled out community, but since i dun really know anyone from a regular college i'd hope for some advice from you, or neone that has someting to say.
Thanx people.

[Tigger5741]

Well going to a school that there is no Hillel/Chabad type of thing may make things a little more difficult. sice you were pretty vague i don't which school you are talking about and know even less. (if i knew a sepcific school i might know someon who is is there or something about the community). the problem with the scenario you painted is that there are no easy answer. i can give you the all encompassing "be strong" but i feel as though that is a bit of a silly answer in this case. maybe you can find out if there is a Jewish community nearby witha shul/Rabbi and maybe use them for support. that is the best answer i can give you without knowing more details. i wish i could be more hulpful, but i don't have ALL the answers, in fact, i don't have a lot of the answers, i just do my best to do what is right and hope for the best.

[Bongo_Dude]

Tigger makes a good point that illustrates the strength of Judaism. No matter where you are, you can be sure that you will (almost) always be welcome in any Jewish community. This is a major fact that makes us different from christians or muslims - their sects are almost like different religions. Now I'm not vindicating any sects of Judaism that people may take offense to - in fact, I'm not sure that the newer sects would be as hospitable. I just think its nice to know that you have a place to go to if you need to (one of the great things about hillel/chabad/etc.) Thirty, maybe you should think about going to Israel for a year to learn. I know it may not be your favorite activity, but it has the potential to really strengthen you and prepare you to "get into it." Good luck

- B.D.

[Thirtygoatsforyourwife]

Bongo dude, that would be a really good idea for any other person with a problem like mine, except that for many specific reasons i am most defintly not going to spend next year in israel. So basically i'm still left with my problem.
Tigger, sorry for being vague but i dun really want to specify the subject cause i'm planning on going to a one-major college, and i dun wanna be 'exposed'. Thnax for tying to help, the subject is still in the open......

[LadyOfCarlisle]

First off, I dont think there are very many places you can go in this country that are no where near even a small Jewish community. While you might attend a college that doesnt have an official chabad or hillel, its highly unlikely that you wont have the opportunity to be around Jewish people if you want to.
Secondly, I think its a good thing that you question whether you want to be frum or not in college. Yours ties to religion should stem mostly from inside yourself and when youre able to separate yourself from all the confounding exterior issues that might sway you one way or another (ie: family, school, community) thats when you can finally decide if you're being religious because you really believe in it or if youre doing it because you feel obligated. Likewise, you'll be able to decide if any doubts you have about religion may stem from feeling like youre being forced into it rather than problems with judaism itself. Life after highschool is being given the opportunity of ultimate free choice. You may find that when you're able to make your own choices, you stick to them stronger than you would have if you feel that choice is being made for you. Just remember to question all your decisions. A lot of people "lose it all" simply out of pure laziness. Its a lot easier to pretend you dont believe in something rather than to admit to yourself that you just dont feel like doing it at the moment and dealing with whatever guilt that might make you feel.
Reguarding Israel - I never spent a year in Israel after highschool and I cant say I really regret not going all that much. This is not to say I dont think its a wonderful thing to do and from all my friends that did go, I know that it has the potential to really help people explore the true confines of their beliefs. However, Im not of the opinion that learning in Israel is the only way you can spiritually elevate yourself after highschool. Being in a yeshiva in Israel makes it difficult to forget about religious issues whereas this is a big issue when it comes to being wrapped up in college in america. so if youre not going to go, just make sure to take a little time out of your life to contemplate who you are and what you believe.

[Thirtygoatsforyourwife]

Well said, ladyofcarlisle, thats like a lot to think about. I just wanted to add a little side point to what you said.

Yes it is great that i "question whether you want to be frum or not in college. Yours ties to religion should stem mostly from inside yourself and when youre able to separate yourself from all the confounding exterior issues that might sway you one way or another (ie: family, school, community) thats when you can finally decide if you're being religious because you really believe in it or if youre doing it because you feel obligated." B

Now leaving the issue of being religious or not, i know the more important thing is to be civil. My mom always used to tell me that being religious is not the most important thing to her, as long as i'll be, how she said, a mench.

And personally being religious now of coarse is not on the top of my list of things to do cause i simply don't care too much for it. I'm participating in this discussion because i know that it is important, and maybe someday when i'll care enough i'll try to change myself.

So i thought that this discussion doesn't have to only be about us trying to stay close to religion after college, it's about us living to whatever extent after high-shcool. And while we all know that living in any college will get you exposed to things like drugs and sex, more than we've had during high-school, sometimes even living with a community such as hillel wont help. And is is important for us people now to get ready for all these things before we get to college, so then we'll know how to stay away. So basically now i'm bringing up a new question: how can a typicall high-school student like me can get into college, not being strong on the religious side, and not turn into a pothead or a sex-addict.

[Tigger5741]

Well, this i can answer, sort of. my first two years here at school i sort of drifted. I went to hillel/chabad stuff but i also went out with friends, did some partying (ok a good bit of partying). Dated a frat brother (who wasn't jewish) and basically had a good time. and then one day i kind of came to the conclusion that it was an empty existence. what did this guy do for me that other guys didn't? asolutely nothing, all he ever did was drink and party. i realized that this was a waste of time, not because of the religious aspect, but just becasue there was no meaning in it. i would say thirty (cool username by the way) that maybe explore the "otrher side' in college, as long as you maintain a balance (i did that by staying away from drugs, i did drink on occasion, but i did that only when i was around people i trusted, i never drank at parties where i didn't know peopel, that's not religious, that's smart). so have fun at college but stay safe! safety is the most important thing here.

[Bongo_Dude]

I think that being religious and growing closer to G-d is one way to keep from losing your morals and staying clean/safe. Judaism gives you a framework for every single thing you do, and in this, you can keep yourself from doing things that in the long run will not be good for you. It is important to find a Jewish community, large or small, but just somewhere where you can get support if you need it, somewhere where there is (hopefully) a sense of morals and of the right thing to do. Not to say you shouldnt have fun in college, because you definitely should, just keep it clean.

- B.D.

[Thirtygoatsforyourwife]

aright, so that's a great thing to keep up in mind and try to be strong about, staying in a frame and maintaining a balance. But about all these religious stuff, maybe you're right, maybe religion is a great framework that holds a great balance of life and features, but i'm not at a level where i really care or want to think about religion. I mean, bongo dude, this could be a great solution for a person who believes in religion and all, but for some one who simply doesn't care it doesn't even pinch. So relying on being strong and trying to maintain a balance is not such a strong base to work with. And being in the level i'm in now, i can't say for sure at all that i can be so responsible for myself staying on the right path. So i'm still with negative hopes for my future in college....