Masturbation Problem

[i got issues]

I have a problem with masturbation. i think that I am addicted and I dont know what to do about it.

[Digital Messiah]

well my first question for you is are you a girl or a guy, this is implying that if you just want to know the halacha on it (guys can't, girls can)
next is what do you meen by a problem?
are you masturbating too much? too little?
i would also want to tell you that its not a horrible thing to masturbate, don't feel bad that you do it.
maybe you should even try to regulate it per day?

[kiyara]

About that guys aren't allowed. If they aren't allowed, then fine. But the fact is, I didnt know about that rule until kind of recently, b/c in yeshivas they dont touch thatsubject that much - especially in elementary which is really when these habits begin.

[Bongo_Dude]

If you are having problems with masturbation and you want to stop the best thing to do is keep yourself busy. Hopefully you will wean yourself of a need to do it and by that end your problem. Masturbation is an understandable thing, but I'd like to disagree with Messiah in that you should feel guilty - you are disobeying G-d, plain and simple (again, assuming ur a guy). Maybe try and use guilt to keep yourself off it. Hope it helped

- B.D.

[i got issues]

I've tryed so many things. I just feel like whenever i am home doing nothing i want to do it. Do you have any suggestions of things to do when bored to keep busy because i really feel like i am going to hell if i keep up at the rate im going at.

[Digital Messiah]

well first of all dont think of this like your going to hell, your not.
do you like to read? what kind of books, i can tell you some great books i love and you might too.
vidio games?
TV?
talk to some freind on the phone?

ill think of some more

[kiyara]

aside from all those things, interent, tv, etc - if you start something, like just make a goal, to make something, or to go through some old stuff, or to achieve a certain plausible something, and you do that, or work on it, then at the end not only will you have killed former masturbation time, but you will be proud and accomplished. Ill be a little more specific - the other week I was majorly bored and kind of depressed, and i looked through these old boxes from like when we moved here like 17 yrs ago and found all these old clothes and stuff, so i took some fabric, brainstormed a bit and made this reeeally funky skirt (which is kinida ripped now but w/e) i wore it to school and man, i got attention, and i also felt good that i did it.

now, i dont advise you to sew a skirt since your a boy not in scotland, but you get the idea...

[Bongo_Dude]

all of the above. College applications are a good way to keep busy ;-) jk. maybe draw, play an instrument, stuff like that. I dunno, I'll keep thingking

- B.D.

[i got issues]

thanks alot for the tips, i dont know if it will work. by the way im a guy. i mean how can i possibly go from masturbating 9-10 times a night to 0. its going to be a tough journey. but ur replys are really inspiring me.
thanks a lot u guys. peace out
signed,
i got issues

[i got issues]

thank u for all of yor replys but u must understand how much of a necessity masturbation is to me. Usually i can not concentrate on work unless i masturbate more than once. sometimes i find myself not doing work because i am so fixated on my genitalia. i think i need sserious help
peace out homies,
i got issues

[whitey]

CLEARLY, u have a problem. I previously had the same problem. Excessive masturbation is not a disease, it can be cured by home methods. For example, whenever i felt that i needed to masturbate i thought about schoolwork, my mom, my teachers etc... that usually got me out of the mood
-whitey

[i got issues]

I think that the only way to stop is to think about other things and i also think that yeshivas shoudl touch on this issue

[blondie]

You should be able to do what you want. If G-d didnt want us to do it than why would he have given us it. It is pathetic what a sheltered world we are living in these days, going to yeshivas and all. Im fed up with this stuff!!

[Bongo_Dude]

its a very touchy issue, and most kids arent mature enough to discuss it seriously with teachers. Its also an uncomfortable thing to talk about.

- B.D.

Mebbe sit on ur hands ;-)

[Digital Messiah]

maybe its somthing you grow out of? i really am not sure if cronic masturbation is a desease (cronic, that make sense?)

[Thirtygoatsforyourwife]

well although masturbating numerous times per day is not healthy because it causes weakneses, a guy can not go without ejaculating, whether it is intentional or when he's sleeping. It is a fact we live with, and even Jewish halacha mentiones it. (the concept of a zav)
So taking it out by masturbating is a good thing when it's controlled. And if you thing you a super-hero and can go many weeks, or months without masturbating, then borrow a copy of the movie 40 Days and 40 Night and you'll outsmart yourself immidiatly!

[kiyara]

whats a zav?

[Bongo_Dude]

Zav is the idea that when a man ejaculates he is tameh until he goes to a mikvah (every time)

- B.D.

[i got issues]

So you're saying that no matter what, even if its controlled, im going to be tameh for until i stop doign it. It seems kind of unfair from the standpoint who is otherwise orthodox.

[Digital Messiah]

actually isnt everyone tameh cause we dont have a bes hamikdash? and no red cow?
well i heard masturbation is against halacha and you are not aloud to do it? (am i mistaken) but if im not why is their this concept of a zav?

[TheBlueGreenMystery]

If you are having problems with masturbation and you want to stop the best thing to do is keep yourself busy. Hopefully you will wean yourself of a need to do it and by that end your problem. Masturbation is an understandable thing, but I'd like to disagree with Messiah in that you should feel guilty - you are disobeying G-d, plain and simple (again, assuming ur a guy). Maybe try and use guilt to keep yourself off it. Hope it helped

- B.D.
keep youself busy. exactly.
i found that this works the best. i also had/have a problem with masturbation. but now about 12 other guys and i (this may sound retarded) each gave in $5 and made a pool as to who could last the longest without masturbaitng OR looking at porn. in other words, keeping clean. of course its an honor system, but we can trust eachother. so theres like $65 in the pool, and u need to last AT LEAST a month to be the winner. its now 35 days, and im still in, but i kepot clean for 35 days so far. thats 5 weeks. that makes me feel so awesome. only like 5 ppl got out. i think this time i stopped forever. so my advice to you is this:
try and get a similiar bet going on, it will be an extra motivation for you not to masturbate. and wow u made me feel so good about myself, i used to do it like every night, and i was proud on the nights i didnt do it. but 9-10? i odnt think i ever did more than 2. but in any case, thanks for lifting up MY morale, and good luck to you.
get a bet going, and keep urself busy. 35 days now, and if i can do it, so can you. and to all ppl saying im doing it for wrong reason, mitoch shelo lishma ba lishma

[i got issues]

How can you possibly do that? if i were to do it with my fridns no on e weould amit that they didnt do it. You want us to put cameras on each other? thats seems pretty stupid to me. Also, i cant go with less that 9 times a night now. How in the world could i go 35 days. Id have to do it like 50 times by the second week.

[kiyara]

wow, good for you! That is a really good idea....Its cool that you have a bunch of guys like that that you can trust and stuff. And 35 days is a lot!! and I think that this reason for you not doing it is totally sufficient, especially now that you feel proud/good about it. Good luck!

An innocent Question while we're on the masturbating topic: are guys so open about this with each other? like share tips(?) or do it in public? just wondering....

[i got issues]

this is directed to kiyara, chances r if u do it excessively, u r 2 embararssed to share, but it is normal for guys to discuss it. ive even even discussed it with some close female friends. as for doing it in public, its pretty rare in my school to walk into the locker room and see a guy doing it but it has happened. only some really perverted guys share tips but talking about porn and porn stars is very common

[Bongo_Dude]

good job bluegreen - i've never gotten that close yet. Kol Ha'kavod

- B.D.

[Spider-Man]

i got issues, I got news for you pal. you have got some serious issues(pun intended).

A minor suggestion: where wool gloves. Therefore, whenever you go to "do it", the wool will scratch against your skin, giving you some serious pain.

Trust me, you'll stop "doing it" right away.

[i got issues]

When i posted that, i just want you o know that i meant not so often. Usually it doesnt happen more than once a day that you see someone masturbating in the locker room. some days you can walk in there 3 or 4 times during the day and see someone doing it. Also, i still disagree with blue green cuz even if you are telling the truth, u think the other twelve "excessive masturbaters" are telling the truth. Theyve probably all done it at least 50 toimes since the beggining and if they are like me then theyve done it like 350 at least.

[i got issues]

Also, rabbi shu, im one of those people who doesnt want you to "go fly". what do u think of this sensitive issue and also have you ever done it or had a problem with it?

[Bean]

If you want to know what halacha says about masturbation look in shulchan aruch siman 23

btw tum'ah is not necessarily a bad thing, otherwise people wouldn't go to graveyards. But it is bad if you do it on purpose.

[Bongo_Dude]

Ditto that. Also, they are different forms of Tum'ah

- B.D.

[Spider-Man]

All right true-believers, listen up!
Why look at the halacha? Really, the kid has obviously got some serious problems. Instead of letting him learn about it, why not just scare it out of him? Take my wool gloves example. I got issues, that would be perfect for you. You will never "do it" again after the pain you endure.

So, for your own sake(and for ours ;)), just get some wool gloves and try it out. You'll be cured right away.

Spidey out.

[Bongo_Dude]

Not doing it for the wrong reasons is only half the issue. Sure it would get him to stop, but if he also realizes that what he's doing is wrong, and uses guilt, as ineffective as it is, to try an stop, itll make more of an impact, and will hopefully be less painfull than wool gloves. I'm sorry, but wool gloves is a bit sick

- B.D.

[Thirtygoatsforyourwife]

Spider man, u've got the issues now, seriously. I mean we all know that there is a need for issues dude to stop in some kind of way, but what the hell is this wack idea of wool gloves. I mean in the winter it may be OK but summertime is insane, and besides, who wears gloves all daylong. A person who is online surfing for porn won't be wearing gloves, simply because it's hard to typr like thta, so that idea is scrached, sorry.

So back when i was reffering to zav i was talking about a person ejaculating unintentionaly, which happens AGAINST OUR WILL at night. And this also proves your idea insane, thebluegreenmystery, hence it is impossible for a man to go a few days without ejaculating, your whole bet is off.

[Bean]

Actually a zav is someone who has pus coming out of his penis through a disease . . . sick stuff

a baal keri is someone who has a wet dream, and while he is tameh this is not necessarily a sin. i mean if you have sex then your tameh and thats certainly not a sin. it's hard for me to believe that god hates you if you ejaculate unintentionally.

btw, it is not true that if you don't masturbate you will have wet dreams instead. Maybe it is true for some people but certainly not for all. shulchan aruch (same place) says that you shouldn't sleep on your back or you'll have wet dreams, but he's probably just quotijn the opinion of the doctors of his day.

I agree that guilt won't do the trick entirely, but it will certainly help prevent you from trying to tell yourself its ok. Wool gloves is not really a useful idea; you'll just end up taking them off . . . not looking at porn is probably a more effective deterrent. If you have nothing better to do and you can't concentrate because of the urge, go to sleep. Or play basketball or something, the blood will be rushing to your other organs . . .

[TheBlueGreenMystery]

ok, to larify a few things.
kiyara- yea guy friends talk about it to eachother openly. share tips? umm well i dont know if anyone needs "tips". if u mean sharing tips on how to stop, then yea, why not. and no way anyone would ever do it in public, if ppl do it in i got issues's locker room, then they have serious issues.


i got issues- we all trust eachother. out of the 12 or 13 we started with, theres only 5 left (including me). and you think that everyone else does it 5-9 times and as excessively as you, but as far as i know, my friends and all the guys i know ussually dont do it more than once a night. how could you? i dont think its possible to do it 9 times a night, i think its physically impossible. since after u do it.... well i wont get into the details but every guy should know. so ur for sure exaggerating. but even if u manage 3 a night thats excessive. so try to keep urself busy, thats the key, buy urself a playstation or something, watch a movie, play a computer game - write on these foums! work out... i dunno, DO something. stay active about something else, as long as ur occupied ull be fine.

[i got issues]

bluegreen, i wasnt exagerating i promise. i really do it about 9 times a nigjht because i really have no work. And about how its not possible, it is because you dont have to ejaculate every time. i havent ejaculated in 4hours now. i really have a serious problem and telling me to wear wool gloves isgoing to help. I already cut back to 8 times except sundays which is like 30. Keep the inspriational posts coming.
holla back hoimies,
i got issues

[kiyara]

what happens after?
And does it happen after regular sex too?

I actually looked in the shulchan aruch last night at all the masturbation stuff and it is not insiman 23, for whoever said it was. It was not such a good idea, being that my dad was the only one around to ask what words meant, and i ended up asking him what keri meant, and a bunch of others he probably didnt want me to be reading about. then he told me i should just "learn from the shulchan aruch, i should have the mishna berurah and other contemp. commentaries..." whatever.

Did you know that the shulchan aruch talks about bathrooms and distances between toilets and other stuff, and how you shouldnt rush away from the bathroom in case you have more to excrete...

I never knew that.

[Spider-Man]

Woah woah woah. Wait a minute.
My spider-sense tell me that i got issues doesn't care about the halacha. he doesn't care what rabbis have to say. He doesn't need that.
What he does need is our help. I feel that together we can all end i got issues problem.
Remember this: if you use the right words, you can convince a man to do anything.
i got issues, together, we will help you overcome your problem. We will not go down without a fight. We will survive.
Hopefully, i got issues will become i got no issues.
Spidey out.

[Bean]

Its Even Haezer siman 23, hotza'at zera levatala, no mishna brurah, but pretty self-explanatory and explicit. Basically he says its the worst sin you could possibly do and if you do it then it is as if you are spilling blood.

i got issues: I wouldn't normally say this to someone who is doing it 8 times a day, but I guess for you this is an advance; yasher koach.

If you never ejaculate i think masturbation is less severe halachically. however i don't know if this is really possible to masturbate regularly and not ejaculate.

try covering it with rubber cement and waiting for it to dry. it will prevent you from masturbating for at least a week . . . (j/k)

[TheBlueGreenMystery]

LOL @ BEAN.

ok well masturbating without ejaculating... its not really masturbating. its for sure not as bad. so what you should be "counting" is how many times you do ejaculate. thats how many tiems u..... "got off", for lack of a better term.

so good luck.

and about the sunday thing of 30 times a day... try and hang out with friends more often, goto a movie or something, play basketball/hockey/football...
go sleep over at a friends house, beleive me u wouldnt dare masturbate there... and the next night u'll fell like u can stop by urself since u already did just b4 at a friends house.

good luck, and try some of the things i suggested.

P.S. if all else fail, when u wanna masturbate, do pushups till ur as tired as u can get. then do more. and more. till ur dead. then take weights (a bar, with weights on it,) and hold it behind ur back, hanging, and lift it slightly with ur wrists only. do this as many times as u can, even once ur forearm starts to burn b/c of the workout. by then ur forearm will be too tired to masturbate, and u will win "by default"

[TheBlueGreenMystery]

wow, kiyara, you seem really religious. im happy for you, i can never beleive that much in judaism.

well what did u mean "what happens after?" and "does it happen after regular sex too?"
if u meant ejaculate, does that happen after regular sex, well during sex it must otherwise u cant have children. so im probably wrong about thinking thats what u meant, so please explain urself.

[i got issues]

ps, when i go to my friends i end up masturbating more because my parents and the camera they put on me isnt there.
- i got issues

[sweetgirl12237]

i got issues, i know im a girl, but mos of my guy frineds are really open about masturbation and stuff adn i dont mean to doubt u.. but how do u do it 8 times a day. rnt u tired? i mean theres only so much u cant do?

kiara, do u mean how can he keep it up so many times? and when refering to sex, cna it be done so many times in a row?

[TheBlueGreenMystery]

dude, there is no way they put a camera on you. thats just sick. and when u go to a friends house, do u sleep in the sam eroom? cuz if u do, i dont know how u would even think of masturbating.

[kiyara]

ok, wow. Your parents 'put a camera on you??" what does that mean????
Do they like attach a camera to you because they know you masturbate and want to see that you do/dont???

And my cousin and I have had some masturbation talks. He says that he does it in places away from home, I mean just go to any bathroom, no....?

BlueGreen- why do I seem religious? Thanks, anyhow.
I meant what happens after you masturbate/ejaculate? (someone said before they dont want to get into what happens after, which is why you cant do it so many times in a row....)
So I am curious. What happens after you do?

[TheBlueGreenMystery]

hmmm... maybe this will help:

http://img.villagephotos.com/p/2003-12/549259/misc3.jpg

[i got issues]

Thats prettyy funny, but where did you get it. Also, how even if it was true, the kittens would be eliminated from this world a long time before i even started masturbating. Im getting better, and you guys are really helping me out with this.
-i got serious issues
holla back

[kiyara]

thats awesome to hear! thanks. And just as much as we like helping you/people....I think we like talking about this stuff.

[Spider-Man]

Hahaha, good one TheBlueGreenMystery!
And by the way i got issues, i'm happy you're improving. It's good to know some things are normal in this universe...unlike Dr.Octopus!

Oh man, that Doctor is such a jerk! He's always telling me to "cut the wisecracks!" You know what? I think he's got something against me. Him and Osborn...

Uh....sorry about that rant.

Spidey out.

[partychica]

does everyone notice how this is the most veiwed thread? well that is no coinsidence cause EVERYBODY DOES IT!!!!! dont deny it cuase i know your lying. it is one of those topics that are really weird to discuss but its there and im glad we can talk about it openly here

[i got issues]

I am too, i have actually found it very productive. In one of my classes where we talked about masturbating, the teacher actuall said that 90% of jews masturbate and two percent lie aout it. EVen if he was exaggerating yby 50 thats still a big number. Also, are you a boy or a girl because that is a big thing when we are talking about this here.

[TheBlueGreenMystery]

what? dont come in here and accuse ppl like that, because i dont know what u do, but i dont. correction on before, i miscounted by a week, i havent done it in 35 days (this sunday is the 5th week that passed).

[kiyara]

all right, good for you.
I think she/he was just making the important point that this is a topic that is really pushed under the table, and its good that we are talking it out here, because many people do it secretly and have nobody to talk to about it. or try it at one point.

[TheBlueGreenMystery]

i dont think that was his/her point, i think he/she just said that because he/she thinks we all do it and thats y we are all attracted to the topic. but if it was what he/she meant, then im sorry. but i dont think it was

[i got issues]

i feel like my problem is really getting out of hand, my mom said the camea sint enough and now i hav to sleep in their room so they could make sure i dont do it im going to the doctor tommrow yto see if i have a problem

[i got issues]

Guys, i want to know what you think of female masturbation. I also want to knwo if you think this is anywhere near as big a problem as male masturbation/

[Icegal104]

i think that it isnt such a huge problem with females as it might be with males

[Icegal104]

but I also think that girls might do it too.
anyway, i got issues, good luck with all of ur issues. hopefully, you'll be able 2 work them out!!

[i got issues]

Seriously though, those posts have just been short. Please post explanations to your posts. Also, in addition to the previous, do you think that, not from torah, female masturbation is just as bad morally.

[sweetgirl12237]

ok first of girls def do it also...

ok the toarh thing, i dont know if its against it, i actually dont think there is anything against the girl masturbating. morally, it less thought about than with guys but just as much done i would think..

[raistlin]

i got issues - sleep on your side. It really helps calm you down, even when you're awake (I think). It'll probably be a gradual process, but it helps. I do sleep on my side. Every night. And I find it quite comfortable. It still happens accidentally when I'm asleep but that is really really rare. Like months. And I don't do it when I'm awake either (at least not seriously or for prolonged periods of time). I do this sleeping thing because I thought I saw rashi mention it so I thought i'd try it. Couldn't hurt. And I think I had heard of what the shulchan aruch says about it to. this is the stuff people talk about on Shavous night to keep them up and interested. That's where a lot of people learn the Torah's perspective.

And, btw, the reason this is the most viewed and contributed to blog here: whether or not the contributors do it per se, we all think about sex and stuff related to it all the time - in school, at home, at friends houses, eating, waiting to fall asleep, dreaming, fasting, excersizing (sp?). You name it. It's probably our most powerful and pleasurable urge. No wonder it's constanlty on our minds, and no wonder that every single movie and new book these days has it (even disney).


By the way, BGM, you get a great big "Shkoyach! Kiddush!" Keep up the good work. I wonder if this has helped you control yourself in other areas as well, like thinking about sex, or getting angry, or other stuff.

[TheBlueGreenMystery]

issues, if you arent about 16 yet, i would say its ok. but by the time ur 16 you should have stopped mostly, if not completely stopped

[CptCatz]

^are you serious? uhh...im in trouble

[i got issues]

Damn, i havent yet. Also dont tell me what i shoud or shoudnt have done. What i need is help. not some annoying, crungy answer that i shoud have stopped what i am doing. If you are going to respond this way then please dont respond.

[i got issues]

Also, just because i masturbate exsesively doesnt give anyone a right to make fun of me. Some of my friends also masturbate excessively so weve taken to this board as help. If you are going to insult us, we are going to be doing it our whole life.

[partychica]

right on igotissues

[i got issues]

guys, i need help right now. Vacation is now and since my parents opted out of going anywhere this week, i find myself sitting in front of my computer with nothing to do, just looking around. Then, im really bored so i decide to do it. This is really bad since i have a really big problem. In the last three-four days it has gotten worse. Does anybody have any suggestions of things to do (ie games, etc.) so that i dont masturbate any more than the usual 10.
thanks
-i got issues

[Icegal104]

u should play games or go to friends houses-
try eating maybe??
i hope this helps
bye
~I Luv Ice~

[Icegal104]

u should also try getting out of the house.
like goin out to eat or to the mall--
i hope this helps
bye
~I Luv Ice~

[i got issues]

Please, some rel suggestions, maybe some funny or fun website but none of this eating stuff. Im not going to go and eat all day.

[Icegal104]

thats true but wat about like going to a friends house or something?
dont u think that might help??
~I Luv Ice~

[shufleye]

Sorry, IGI, links to entertainment sites are probably the only kind of advice you can’t get here – please see guidelines #2:

http://www.thelockers.net/forum/showthread.php?t=119 (http://www.thelockers.net/forum/showthread.php?t=119)


~Shufleye.

[CptCatz]

rabbi, i think he means something like http://www.addictinggames.com/ or http://www.candystand.com/ . those sites are just game sites that could probably help him.

[shufleye]

Thanks Cpt -
Those are def alright...

Hope they help, IGI!

~Shufleye

[kiyara]

or freearcade.com

And to those who suggest eating - nonononono!!! Thats bad.

and to those who suggest going to a friends hosue - not everyone has a bagful of friends that are home, free, and live nearby to go to. really.

my suggestion - maybe if u stop and actually think about what you are doing. whats the point? its all temporary relief -- you are prob afraid NOT to masturbate so much. even though it may feel good, in the long run it is bad.

To get your mind on other things, if you just do ANYTHING to give yourself satisfaction and a feeling of accomplishment, like clean your room, play an instrument, go for a run, go buy something you need, make something cool, anything. something thta you can look at after and say "hey - i did that myself!" i feel good.

[CptCatz]

its all temporary relief -- you are prob afraid NOT to masturbate so much. even though it may feel good, in the long run it is bad.

actually thats not true. doctors have proven that masturbating is actually quite good for you. it lowers your risk of prostate cancer. doing it 10 times a day may not be good but its in no way bad. heres a quote from an article:

They say cancer-causing chemicals could build up in the prostate if men do not ejaculate regularly.

[i got issues]

Thank You cptcatz for being on my side throughout this whole time. I did it 7 times today which happens to be an improvement. Also, i think it might be bad because i read somewhere that eventually your penis wil become very numb adn never wokr again. Has anyone heard of this consenquence?????

[hushedfire]

heh, ok, well, that sounds kinda funny but if you think about it, yeah, it kinda makes sence. masturbating all the time might make it less sensitive and then, after a looong while, the nerves might get so used that maybe it'll start losing awareness. I'm not a doctor or anyhting like that but if you think about it, it kinda makes sence.
and also, about your constant masturbating desire.i think that its perfectly fine to do whatver anyone needs to do to satisfy that kind of craving.
its absolutley nothing to be ashamed about.

[Iceprincess88]

i have never heard about that-
does it actually happen?
where did u find that out?

[i got issues]

I dunno i think some kid whos dads a urologist, or penis doctor told him. I also heard a story of someone whose penis actually fell off. Im really scared. Please help me stop.
-I got issues

[kiyara]

when i dont know like the specifics of guys masturbation....but ill take your word for it.

but from what igi has said, it DOES seem to be a stress releiver/thing to resort to when bored, and he is used to it and all that.

and you know, you can always just madly post stuff on here if your bored!

[i got issues]

lol, when im really bored i go on maddox and keep refreshing it and then i come on here and post. I think that everyone should post a lot so that im not bored. and also keep em serious but put some humor in your posts like kiyara so that i wont be that boreeeeeeeeedddddddddd!!!!

[Icegal104]

so igi must be bored a lot to resort to that every single time he is bored, since he said that hes been doing it a lot of times each day.
or maybe he does it for a different reason?
~I Luv Ice~

[sweetgirl12237]

igi, the whole thing about it becoming numb after over masturbation or losing "use" of it is untrue.. so u can breath easier.. congrats on the 7 times a day btw!!

[i got issues]

Phewshhhhhhh, how do you know it is not true? Maybe someone is trying to scare me because in my school people know that i have this problem. They all make fun of me about it. I still am scared because what if it is true and your just trying to make me feel better. Do you have a source for this?

[kiyara]

thaaanks....Im glad Im at least good for someone/something.

But come on....you must have realized that the posting level here has gone waaay up! Its great....I mean this topic has 1090 views!

[i got issues]

I know, its crazy, i never would have thought that this is such a huge problem in the orthodox world but it is. Once i started, i couldnt stop and thats how i think many people are. I think that schools need to talk about this stuff but seperate from the sex talks. Many people feel that the sex talks dont apply to them or that they already know everything about protection even though they relaly dont but masturbation is everyone problem, a lot of people, as you can tell from the amount of hits here, do it and dont know how to stop like my self and need school support.

[sweetgirl12237]

i dont have a source thats medical (i.e. journals and stuff) just someoen i trust and knows a hell of a lot about this.. we had spoken a long time about this stuff and i actually asked hiom almost hte same question

[c00kiem0nster111]

just a question...if masturbation isn't allowed for boys, is ejaculation also not allowed? because isnt that kind of beyond your control? and also, just wondering, whats the reason behind masturbation being an issur?

[kiyara]

i think masturbation leads to ejaculation. and its not allowed b/c its like killing a possible life - like all the spermies are there, waiting for a potential egg to fertilize. if you masturbate, lots of sperm "get wasted or spilled in vain"(i.e. not used to fertilize an egg to form a human)

so basically God wants us to Save The Sperm!

[c00kiem0nster111]

oo i get it lol im a little slow thanks so much kiyara!!

[i got issues]

but either way, it will die soon anyway so why even bother to save it? anyone have answer to that one?

[c00kiem0nster111]

cuz ur only supposed to ejaculate during real sex without protection to have a baby. the only reason gd wanted man to ejaculate was to have a baby so he doesnt want u to use it just for ur own pleasure cuz then its defeating the whole purpose of creation ( or something like that)

[magniv123]

masturbation....
yes, this is the most viewed thread, and yes it is common in the orthodox world cuz we are human ya know!
these "desires" that God gave us -- are from God!
okay so that doesnt justify anything though...

alrite, so male masturbation is no good in halacha because usually when you "finish" you ejaculate, and thats like bitul you know (guys help me out), so therefore, boys are not supposed to do that.
girls on the other hand have no sperm so halachically girls can masturbate. igotissues -- yes morally its no different, but i think (personally) that there is nothing wrong morally with masturbbating. for one, its a lot safer than sex and psychologists like to say that it helps young adults explore and blah blah blah. okay everyone -- ITS NATURAL -- thats why this thread so freakin popular!

so igotissues, what exactly did you want to know about female masturbation? i mean i can tell you that i asked a teacher once who knows her stuff and she said its okay by halacha. so i trust that. and logically that makes sense. also i dont remember seeing anything in the shulhan aruch when i checked, but that was a long time ago so mabye ill go check again for you.

rabbi shu -- can you help us out maybe with sources???
i dunno im gonna ask a teacher about this, so i can find some torah stuff to add to the opinions here.

until next time......

and KOL HAKAVOD igotissues! seriously you rock -- your progress is awesome and look how many viewers you got supporting you along the way ;-)


magniv!

[kiyara]

well I dont know about you - but I certainly wouldnt go up to any teacher and ask for some Jewish sources about masturbation of any type! (cringe) You must have some really approachable teachers

[sweetgirl12237]

funny a rabbi in my school basically said:
"if god didint want us to masturbate, then he would have given us shorter arms"

[CptCatz]

thats just stupid because you can say if god didnt want us to murder, he wouldnt have put the thoughts in our minds to kill people.

[c00kiem0nster111]

true dat! i agree w/cptcatz-u can say that for anything but it cant be true b/c then u can justify anything u do wrong- that is def. the wrong frame of mind

[sweetgirl12237]

hey, im not saying i agree with what the rabbi says.. i just thought it was an interesting way of looking at it

[convoluted]

Well i have a similar problem i wont say that its as bad as yours w me its probably more like a max of 3 times a night but now its just once and not every ive gone 2 weeks w.o doing it and over the summer i think i only did it once over 8 weeks.

Here are my methods:
1. Dont think about it
2. If you do immediately distract yourself
3. Pushups are good
4. Put some ice on it or somthing cold (no joke)
5. Think about the religious reprecussions if you are frum
for starters it says " There is Blood on your hands" Its in the "code of jewish law" i believe that is either the enlish shulchan aruch or kitsur shulchan aruch in the back under CLI or CLII i forget but basically it goes on to speak of how one who does this is a mind devoid of wisdom especially one who makes himself hard intentionally then it continues about how bad it is and it culminates with a prayer for when you do it accidentally. I suggest A) thinking about why its bad for you not only physically
B) make a list and look at it before you do it
of Pros and cons
Pros: keeps you busy, Relieves stress temporarily
Cons: only TEMPORARY then all stress comes back and you do it again like in your case, also the more you do it the less effect (like people who drink too much coffee it loses its effect and they end up drinking more for the same wake up effect) your mind is devoid of wisdom, your wasting time which can definately be better spent, it really is disgusting if you think about what your really doing not to mention your wasting potential life.
You should also know it says in the shulchan aruch that someone whose mind is preoccupied by these things so he cant learn should go get married,
Also i suggest keeping your self busy by staying out of the house and in public.Thats how i went 8 weeks doing it only once i was at a summer camp and i was dorming there and basically the bathrooms are public and your in a "double" room so its pretty much disgusting... i made sure to always leave my room door open and i tried to get things going on by me ultimate frisbee pool, you name it the goal is to keep yourself busy and calm w. o being "devoid of wisdom"
-Convo

[i like fish]

masturbating is the shiznat

[karma]

why hasn't anyone said just slow down in moderation? i mean that IGI said he did it 7 times a night and that was a big deal right? so when that becomes the norm instead of 9, make it 6 times a night. IGI, you didn't just go to 9-10 times overnight. it was probably a process. so it'll take you a process to get back to zero.
everyone's been saying how you should just go cold turkey. but no one ever says that by lashon hara for example. everyone just says to pick an hour that you won't say it and move on with your life. my point is that i know masturbating is addicting to you and to stop completely is probably impossible. so instead just slow down.

[2face78]

first, i was unaware that its possible to masterbate that much in what night biologically, but whatever, i think i used to be addicted but just as karma said, keep ur mind off it, also, just a side point, i think that having a gf makes u do it less, in fear that she would get grossed out by it if she found out, somehow. thanks for the time
IM OUT

[kiyara]

as a girl who has had a boyfriend who masturbated(like all boys!)
i guess i can only speak for myself, but it does not gross out girls, i understand, and its normal....

[bazookajoe]

why are you guys so worried about halacha when the guy has an actual addiction? sex addiction is something real. halacha cant cure everything, and telling him that its wrong acc to halacha won't help an actual problem. i-got-problems, you do have a problem with masterbation, and there are other people like that, and I'm not sure if something like that's just a thing u need to work on on your own, or if maybe you also need some medical/psycological attention to help you....though sure you don't want to approach any1 else about it....

[Some1Else]

hea,

I think I also have an addiction. I have a bit of an lingerie fetish (not wearing, looking. it’s the tease) and look at porn (try to look at the non-nude stuff, though. But sometimes I do more than that) most nights and then.... sometimes I say to myself "gee this is stupid, it’s just objectifying women", but by the end of the night I wind up doing it anyway. And if I can keep myself from doing it then when I go to bed I wind up doing it anyway.

And the worst part I don’t even enjoy doing it anymore. It’s like a smoking addiction (from what i've heard at least) I just can stop.

Any tips?

[ColdTruth]

As far as advice goes . . . just playing off what you said . . . If you can restrain yourself from doing it before you go to bed then work on what you can do in bed to control yourself. For me, reading a book always puts me right to sleep when I'm actually physically reading the book in bed. I don't know if you enjoy listening to music, but that seems like a common sedative. And hey, if all else fails, just think of something that turns you off in the worst of ways! Good luck

-CT

[Blink]

i also found the problem as well, but then stumbld across wut the Shulchan Aruch says and it scared me soo damned much "one hu masterbates is acursed" sumthing like that and it is very hard to repent, i jst hope i have. U have to find other outlets, and physically fight the urge, i did that and it gets easier every time. Also pray to Hashem for him to help u, it helps, as it helped for me and im now free of such a thing at long last. Mebe if u leart more or jst sed sum T'hillim a day it cud protect u.
Other out lets cud be music, computer games(i found that very violent ones are the best to help fight the urge as it made me violent to sucha sin), work out till u feel sick- it workd for me. This is the only advice i can supply u from first hand experience, hope it helps u.

[Fender99]

I know what you mean man. When I first hit puberty and could masterbate, I could'nt stop doing it for a month or so. Then I found a hobby that kept me occupied and gave me something better to do (guitar), and I did it alot less often. Hope that helped.

[Confuzedinlimbo]

ok, my solution is that we all email eachother, find out who all the masturbaters are and let them have eachother instead of doing it alone

[PrUnE]

ok, my solution is that we all email eachother, find out who all the masturbaters are and let them have eachother instead of doing it alonelmao, ahahahhahahaha, i would love to do that ;-) (to parents who read this we are all just kiddin)

[randomness123]

aaaa masturbation. the ultimate yetzer harah. this things thats addicting, that you cant stop, that feels so good, that is an incredible stress reliever... but the guilt afterwards is crazy.. its nice to know so many ppl r out there doin it also.. and the idea about gettin together isnt so bad (lol, again j/k)

[randomness123]

i hate being the last post in here for lioke a week already... anyone have comments on maturbating? the number of ppl viewing the post is certainly rising.. so speak out!

[2face78]

its something that can be controlled. read the porn vs master.. for more of m,y posts on this.
IM OUT

[Confuzedinlimbo]

anything can be controlled, but we need to realize that some things are nessacary. Teens have more active hormones than other people, but even then, the need for sex is inherent. I'm not trying to protect those that do it obsessivly, or those that are obsessivly sexually active, but i'm just saying there is some basic need and you can't critisize people for that, especially if you don't give a reason how or why it can be controlled.

[Teenager]

I know this is kinda off the topic, but to all of u: How old were u the first time you....

This is both for the boys and girls

[Some1Else]

Well, i know for me it was when i was thirteen in was playing with the jets in my Jacuzzi. The i went in my bedroom and kept doing it for like an hour.

[baseball guy]

I havent read all 12 pages so maybe this was mentioned earlier, but IGP - you may want to try some kind of system where you reward yourself for stuff by allowing yourself to masterbate. Think of stuff you want to work on (I dont know praying with kavana, bentching, exercizing, finishing homework when its due, going to bed by a cerrtain hour, whatever works for you) and when you do accomplish the goal, go masterbate. This way you are at least getting other productive things done and are regulating the masterbation. Start with like when you do one thing you can masterbate (or whatever) and greadually go up to making yourself do 2,3,4,5,6,etc. things until you can masterbate. It may not work but thats my suggestion. At the very least you will get other things done too. What do you think?

Some1else - I didnt know it was possible to go anywhere near an hour. You learn something new everyday i guess.

[2face78]

baseball guy - as with any thing that feels good. a person will do it even if they cant finish stuff. its called hormones and there is a point when they take over in most pple.
IM OUT

[PrUnE]

well my first question for you is are you a girl or a guy, this is implying that if you just want to know the halacha on it (guys can't, girls can)
next is what do you meen by a problem?
are you masturbating too much? too little?
i would also want to tell you that its not a horrible thing to masturbate, don't feel bad that you do it.
maybe you should even try to regulate it per day?why shouldnt guys be allowed, the sperm dies in three days anyways, so its not like ur killin a kid.

[2face78]

good q prune i have never gotten a good answer to that one. Rabbi Shu can u give a good answer,
IM OUT

[randomness123]

if u do it more foten than 3 days it could get kinda crazy...also the reward system mite work, but its not like something u can keep locked up until youve accomplished your goal, its part of your body..all u gotta do is look down....

[2face78]

baeball-remember that when thought becomes involved in the process it is more difficult to control because thoughts are realy hard to get off ones mind much harder that actions. its fairly easy to physically stop smoking-its psychological
IM OUT

[metalhead]

dude its not like ur addicted to masturbation... what makes u masturbate? what turnz u on??

[baseball guy]

It's just an idea. Look, at first you can still masterbate 7 times a night. You just accomplish moething first. Get into the habit of only doing it after you accomplish something (dont lessen the masterbation at first, just get into this habit) and then start gradually going down. Its an idea, try it - if it doesnt work, what did you lose?

[dboy14]

this is friken huge
and old post
but it was fun reading through it
i just wanted to make the point that
i get more wet dreams when i dont do it
so it does help in a way
less mess

[cudakid210]

I dunno if this will cure you, but it completely cured me.
You know how some rabbi's say to take temptation and overcome it with itself?
don't worry if you don't get it, but what i did to cure myself was to look at something of an inappropriate manner, however something so vile and horrible it actually turns you off, I'm new to this site so i dunno if i can tell you what i was lookin at but now whenever i "get the urge" that thing i saw pops into my head and banishes all thoughts about what i was about to do. seriously it's been crazy-long for me not doing it and i just dont want to anymore so seriously try it!

[rayz92]

I dunno if this will cure you, but it completely cured me.
You know how some rabbi's say to take temptation and overcome it with itself?
don't worry if you don't get it, but what i did to cure myself was to look at something of an inappropriate manner, however something so vile and horrible it actually turns you off, I'm new to this site so i dunno if i can tell you what i was lookin at but now whenever i "get the urge" that thing i saw pops into my head and banishes all thoughts about what i was about to do. seriously it's been crazy-long for me not doing it and i just dont want to anymore so seriously try it!

Why? Why don't you want to do it anymore... and ever since you came up with this technique, you have not done it?

[cudakid210]

Why? Why don't you want to do it anymore... and ever since you came up with this technique, you have not done it?
well whenever i get the urge to do it i think of this disgusting, I mean really disgusting thing i saw and it just grosses me out so much i get really turned off and just don't feel like it anymore! :-)

[jewBoi1991]

thanks alot for the tips, i dont know if it will work. by the way im a guy. i mean how can i possibly go from masturbating 9-10 times a night to 0. its going to be a tough journey. but ur replys are really inspiring me.
thanks a lot u guys. peace out
signed,
i got issues


dude......... like......... woah O.O


How do you even have the time to masturbate that often?

[rayz92]

dude......... like......... woah O.O


How do you even have the time to masturbate that often?

seriously... I assume you don't sleep that much those nights.