should i stay shomer negia?

[Icegal104]

i have a problem with this guy at my skool.
we were talkin and he said he wanted to grind with me, and i'm shomer. so wat am i supposed to do???
should i go unshomer for him??
help!!

[sweetgirl12237]

y woudl u stopwhat u believe in for one guy? stand strong in what u believe in! trust me int eh logn run he will respect u a hell of a lot more for that!

[kiyara]

of course dont go against your personal standards for someone else! its great that you are able to define your actions, and by no means should you compromise a part of yourself for someone else. who are you living for anyway?

You will have more self respect, and he will respect you more if you stay true to your beleifs.

shomer lovin.... :p

[Icegal104]

but he is pressuring me he said its a lot better if i am not shomer and he is really hot.
I am still shomer for now, though. but I am not sure wat i should do and no one else at my skool is shomer
i go to a co-ed skool

[Bongo_Dude]

I go to a co-ed school also and I'm managing with shomer negiah. Its not so bad once you realize how valuable it is and how it changes ur perspective on touch. If you stop it for one guy who is obviously (based on what uve written) totally shallow and physically based then it is your loss - you are lowering yourself to his level for some ephemeral pleasure. There arent that many shomer people at my school either, but you learn how to deal with it. And btw, if someone doesnt realize ur shomer and decides to tap u on the shoulder or something, either let it slide or tell them gently that youre shomer. Grinding, or anything sexual (even hugs) crosses the line, and you need to avoid it if u want to be shomer

- B.D.

[sweetgirl12237]

seriously, dont do it. the second u do, ul huk up and then he will drop u. all he sees u as right now is an obstacle to overcome. stay storng. yea he might be cute but dont give up somehting u believe in for a jerk! ull regret it, i promise!

[Icegal104]

thanx for the helpful stuff u guyz

[Icegal104]

he also wanted to hug me and i said no b/c i'm shomer and now i am wondering if that wuz the right thing to do. i mean, i am the only one who is shomer at my skool and also everyone goes to parties where there is stuff like grinding and sex going on!!
so how do i have a social life and stay shomer????

[kiyara]

switch schools?

but seriously, if really everyone does those things at parties, and you feel totally out of place, then dont go. and if you want to go, maybe there is one or 2 ppl that dont do that stuff that u can hang out with - and if the ppl that do do that stuff are your friendfs, theyll respect you for what you do and who you are and maybe even spend some tiem with you. otherwise, maybe find a new crowd, or be strong and stand on your own.

[sweetgirl12237]

liyara has a point. ur friends, if they are really good ones, shoudl understand adn respect ur decision and never put u in a place where u might feel uncomfortable. and if u do they shoudl listen to u..... if they dont well then......

[Icegal104]

so ure saying that i should leave my circle of friends if they do things that i dont like??

[sweetgirl12237]

not exactly.
ok, u need to be strong in what u believe in and u need to find friends that back u up in ur decisions.
if they dont then u know, not necesarily to get new friends, but that they are not the friends that u can trust to go out to parties with that will protect u.... u know that u wont be able to count on them to pull u out of a situation that u dont want to be in.
dont necesarily drop them, just be careful and know exactly what they are.

[Icegal104]

ok i get wat ure sayin
~I Luv Ice~

[justAYid]

Hey, I am also the only one who is shomer at my school (well as far as I know, and I'm sure there are some who are part of the infamous club of "shomer but not by choice" ;) ) but I'm a guy (and it isn't so common for a girl to try to talk a guy out of being shomer) so I have some of the same issues. Look, most of my friends who I hang out with regularly (except a couple outside of school who are really cool btw) aren't shomer and don't understand or really respect it. I mean they respect me (I think) but they think the whole concept is stupid. I want to tell you something, I wasn't always shomer so I know the non-shomer world and I can tell you anything they say is a load of crap. They don't know what their talking about, it's so much better to be shomer and if my friends keep not respecting it then I might become not-as-good friends with them just because it shows they aren't really my friends.
This guy, if he really cared about you would not pressure you to do this (not to mention that after obviously never touching you he asks straight out "do you want to grind with me?"). You should explain to our friends that if they really respected you they wouldn't try to pressure you into these things, and they wouldn't look at you weird for not doing them. Just tell your friends to be real friends.
~Just a Yid

[savin me]

i dont think you should stop being shomer to grind with some guy. if theres more to the story than just that then i guess its ok but if hes kinda just a random guy no way should you stop being shomer. unless of course you just dont like being shomer anymore and it isnt really something you believe in.