pregnancy

[whitey]

i have a friend who is pregnant. her life is now ruined. her family looks down upon her as does the community. she feels the world turning against her. she hates her bf for not using protection.
that friends is me.
-whitey

[i got issues]

Well, was it really worth it? You realize that you caused her life to be ruined. If you would have been smart, she would still be good. Also, its also her fault and she should blame herself a little also.

[Elvira]

Wow. I am so impressed that someone actually brought this topic up! it seems that these boards are finally opening up and getting honest about stuff....

I have a friend who got pregnant too. and just for all those who assume its your fault, that bullsh**. #1 - people always assume you didn't protect yourself - but how do they know?! i got news for all you judges out there - sometimes protection fails! yeah!!! and maybe thats a wakeup call to all those teens who think it'll never happen to them. #2 - how can the community really be so surprised that we don't know how to properly protect ourselves when they won't even talk to us about the topic, or admit that maybe we are making these decisions - no matter how uncomfortable it makes them.

i've got news for the community - there are girls who take it up the a** because they are afraid to lose their virginity. and not just a few, ok. you don't want to know about our parties, our lifestyle today, or what we are dealing with. you don't want to know, and you don't want to help - you don't want to have the discussion because it upsets you TOO MUCH! well i wouldn't blame any girl who got pregnant. i would blame the rabbis and parents, who don't want to admit to where we teens really are today. at least the schools try, even if they don't usually connect. but the rabbis and parents mostly don't even want to look.

believe it or not, even though we are teens, and we feel we know it all, we wouldn't mind if you shared some valuable guidance with us if you could just do it without preaching and trying to control us.

just a quick question for all the other teens on theze boards now - how many of you know someone who got pregnant? or had anal sex?

it'd be interesting to see if we can't wake up a few people to reality - if they are really reading these boards.

[Thirtygoatsforyourwife]

Most definitely well said, kiyara. Totaly agree.
And I'd like to put a vote on your last question. I know many, and have myself...

[sweetgirl12237]

this is an issue that needs to be addressed in jewish schools. they think it isnt a problem but it really is. my friend ended up becoming pregnant and had noone to turn to... the guy is a jerk adn refuses to talk to her now.. but you have to be careful who you decide to have sex with or who you want to have a baby with (if you are makign that decision) yes mistakes happen and they are both the parties fault in a way... but make sure that if the mistakes happen that both parties realize what is going on, they are both in on any decisions that are being made.....


for ppl who dont know how to act when their friends become pregnant.. truthfulyl i was completely appauled by what my friend did but i made sure that i didnt voice that to her. it is hard at first but then you realize that they need you the most, especially now, for unfrotonately a lot of ppl are going to shun her and or him for hwat has happened. be that friend that she is goign to need for that trully is the meanign of the word friendship- being there even when u dont agree with the choices they make

[kiyara]

thirstygoats, I havent posted in this thread yet, you probably meant Elvira.

Anyway, I personally know someone who has had anal sex.

[Bongo_Dude]

no and yes

- B.D.

[sweetgirl12237]

b.d. for someone who ususally has so much to say that was suprisingly little... lol

[Bongo_Dude]

I've noticed that there is a certain animosity on this site towards me when I say a lot, so I'm cutting down. Not to mention I was answering a yes or no question. Nice of you to notice though, thank you (seriously)

- B.D.

[i got issues]

it seems like whenever there is a teen pregnancy all the focus is on the girl. but its hard for the guys too. does any1 have any friends who went through pregnancy from a guys perspective?
holla back
-always, i got issues

[Digital Messiah]

Elvira, i agree with you.

[i got issues]

doees any1 know a guys who that happened to?
-i got issues

[sweetgirl12237]

yes and he was scared s**tless of the chance that he might be a father.. they took every precaution but it still happened. but he took care to make sure he was there through everything. no matter what happened he wanted to be part of the childs life and the girls life.

[i got issues]

i think that schools really need to talk about this.

[partychica]

first to whitey, i am soo sorry, but i know how hard it might seem now, but it might work out ok. 2 years ago my friend got pregnant when she was 16 and she decided to go through with it and have the baby. honostly it is really hard to raise a kid when your a kid yourslef. but now 2 years later she loves her baby and it gives her a reason to live. no matter what crap she has to deal with she always knows she has the love of her daughter

[i got issues]

Ya, but think about it. Shes a mother at frigging 16, she has to support that baby. Just because she loves her baby doesnt mean that Jewish girls should go arounf sleeping with guys to have babys they love.

[Tigger5741]

ok, i haven't posted in a while cos it's been hell with finals and stuff here. but i really felt the need to rexspiond in this forum. i had a fight with a guidance counselor at one of the high schools, she claimed that we don't need sex ed. theat'sa crock! jewish kids need sex ed just like anypne else in the world. when i was 16, and really getting into the dating thing, my mom and i had a talk about sex, she told me that if i decided to become sexually active, even though she didn't approve, she would rather know i was safe and offered to take me to an OBGYN and put me on the pill for safety sake. while at the time it was a non issue for me, it made me comfortable with the idea of birth control and OBGYN's. so when the need arose, i had already been to a doctor and knew what i was getting into. girls especially, but guys as well need to be informed and educated regarding pregnancy and STD's. i wish that things hadn't gotten to the sorry state they are in now. but also. girls need to have the tools to say no, having sex is a HUGE decision, not to be made lightly and on the spur of the moment. i put a lot of thought into my first time, and we talked about it first. sex is not casual and should never be treated as such! if kids had the proper knoweledge they could protect themsleves better and maybe even be able to say no more often. pregnant and 16 is not the greatest place to be, pregnant 16 and alone is an even worse place to be. we can only hope that the community that caused the problem can also be find it in their hearts to forgive and fix the problem, but if not, there are other options, if you need contact info for supposrt, please post, and i will find what i can for you her.
tigger

[hushedfire]

pregnancy is a big problem that sure, we can tget away from by abstaining.but if the drive to have sex it too much,then hell yeah, use protection people!and i know, even that doesnt always work.well, then find out early and find out fast.

[raistlin]

I think Elvira said it all. Good going. Really.


I don't know for sure any Jews (as opposed to non-Jews of whom I know a good number) who have gotten pregnant or had anal sex, but I have my suspicions. Not proof, but i'm damn near convinced.

whitey - i don't know what to say. I want to yell at and tell you you'll be fine at the same time. I have a hunch you feel the same way towards yourself. You can't change the past, but you can affect the future. I would not shun your girlfriend or her child. You made a decision, you accepted a responsibility on yourself, now live up to it. The worst that can happen is pretty bad, I won't lie. But the best that can happen is friggin awesome. Someone here mentioned that her friend loves her baby, but guys love their kids too! Develop a relationship with the kid even if you can't work it out with your ex. Make the kid's life as normal as possible and help him/her to avoid getting into the situation you got into.

There has got to be a way to curb our passions. They feel uncontrollable and the worst part is no one really wants to fight them because they feel great. Screw the danger or the risks (no pun intended). But this has only become a real problem in the latter half of this century. That leaves thousands of years of civilization in which people our age had a modicum of control, especially in the Jewish community. Where does that come from? Where did that go?

Anyone??

[c00kiem0nster111]

1) wait...im confused...are you the friend that IS pregnant or the one who got someone else pregnant? cuz from ur post it seems like ur the one who is pregnant but from the replies it seems like ur the father.
2) I don't get it..why is it that society always places the blame on the guy...it is the girls fault just the same...
3) j/w- do you people know anyone that has gotten pregnant ? it doesnt seem that common in my yeshiva- in my personal experience i have never met someone who was pregnant (even tho i know ppl who are having sex

[TigerLvr]

it seems to me that u havnt really gotten much help on this topic yet because everyone seems to be sidetracking and not really answering the question at hand. it is hard to be a pregnant teen especially in a jewish community that is not as open minded as a secular one might be. but even so, whats done is done and there is no way to take it back so wat is the point of being yelled at you for it. i think that you should find someone whom u really trust (adult or teen) and have them help u out. sit down and talk to your parents about how you feel and tell them how much u need their help. go to some tenn pregnancy websites and see what they have to say. carefully plan out what you want to do about school and a job etc etc. there are many organizations out there that can help you and your family get through this hard time. but most important is that whatever you do, dont hate yourself and keep trying and keep believing and you'll get through everything ok. :)

[Senora Magoo]

i think you should try and show her that you're in it for the long run. the baby will be just as much yours as it is hers, and i think it's important for you to let her know that you're not running away scared just because she got pregnant. if you loved her enough to get her pregnant, you should love her enough to help raise your child, or at least be included in the decision whether to give the baby up for adoption or not.
I think in the meantime you should be part of the pregnancy process by going to the doctor with her, going to lamaz classes, shopping for the baby and preparations in general. remember, the baby's half yours, you both need to accept that.
If she refuses to talk to you, give her time, but not by pretending nothing happened. You have to show her that you still care about her and the baby.

[hollar]

wow, whitney- i mean from what ive read the worst thing that happens to teen mothers is that they dont finish school and then later on thay can never get a sufficiant job. if you cant finish school get a GED and take a specialty course at night for a year. if you think you can finish high school after the baby, really go for it. if your too embaressed if your in a jewish school-like when the pregnancy shows- maybe you should consider public school? i dont think it will ba as shunned but i really wouldnt know...if im wrong home school? its whatever you decide. i know right now it may not feel like you have a future beyond your baby, but u do! there are support groups for teen moms im sure you can find. ok, lastly, i know this is a painful suggestion, but maybe adoption should be considered an option. good luck to you and your baby