In high school I was not allowed to date anyone who was not jewish. There was only really one boy who I got close to dating, and I always regretted telling my parents because now I'll never know where it would have gone if I had kept it a secret and done what I wanted

Now I'm in college and "dating" a non-jew. If he's my "boyfriend," I havent been informed haha. It's college.. but anyway.
I made the mistake of telling my mom, she reacted... badly. She brings it up whenever I'm home and makes little comments about how I'm hurting her and doing the wrong thing.


I'm going to lie and say we arent seeing each other anymore and then basically never tell her about my life again. Till I'm dating a jew that is.

How do you guys deal with this? Am I really being bad?

i think its ok to lie to your mom about this. i mean, lying is obviously not the best thing to do, especially to someone so important in your life, but you should be able to date who you want to. at the same time, you never know how serious the relationship will turn out, and you could end up feeling torn and hurting feelings and trust more in the long run.

im not saying youll end up marrying this person, but i assume youll want to lie about your next non-jewish boyfriend as well. if your deadset on marrying a jew then i dont see any serious harm that can come of a few lies along the way, but if you dont care what religeon your future partner may be then theres no where to hide when youve fallen in love with someone and your mother doesnt even know they exist. It may seem unlikely and far off but you never know whatll happen right? I think the best thing to do is try and talk it out with your mom, but i know how parents can be stubborn and too full of pride and tradition to accept your point of view. If you cant convince your mom that being with a non-jew isnt as bad as she thinks it is, then i would probably lie too. There isnt much else you can do i guess. On the other hand, you could tell them the truth and tolerate their critisism and disaproval. I could probably do that with my dad, but if my mom didnt accept me i feel that would be a lot harder.

For now, lying about your nonjewish boyfriend doesnt seem like such a terrible crime. just know that if things get serious youll probably have to come out and be honest before its too late. either way your mother would probably feel betrayed. Its a difficult decision to make but when it all comes down to it, you need to decide whats more important; your own life and happiness or your family's approval.

but then again... its just one non-jewish boyfriend right?... you never know.
hope this helps rather than just making you more confused xP

if it really came down to that, maybe they would convert for you in the end. my mom did it for my dad.. but shes a pushover x]
GOOD LUCK!

your mom should support you no matter what.

I don't think you should lie to your mother, not on any moral grounds, but because you are doing a disservice to yourself by doing so. She needs to learn to accept that you are an adult, capable of making your own decisions, without her input. Too bad if it hurts her, it hurts you just as much that she doesn't approve of it. I would tell her not to say anything if she doesn't have anything good to say.

of course thats a lot harder to do in practice

i agree with all of this, but it probably will be harder than it sounds

Oh I love this question SO much.
Dating a non-jew shouldn't be 'hurting' your mother. Your mother should be happy for you when you are happy. Don't worry about it. Lie to your mother for now, because you are an adult and you are allowed to make your own decisions. If you end up going farther with this boyfriend, tell your parents. If they react badly, don't go home. move out. live by yourself so that you will be allowed to live the life you want. Your mother should not be telling you what to do. Just because you are Jewish doesn't mean you have to date Jewish. Love has NO boundaries. none. There are plenty of interfaith couples and they are doing perfectly fine.

Go get em, girl!

in my high school career so far, i have dated 16 non-jewish girls. i have yet to have actually dated a jewish girl. they are just hard to find where i live.

i want to break down your post by lines, because its action-packed and there's a lot to say.

"I'm going to lie and say we arent seeing each other anymore and then basically never tell her about my life again. Till I'm dating a jew that is."

maybe you should slow down a little bit and make sure you don't overreact. just because she has negative feelings regarding dating non-Jews doesnt mean you have to NEVER Tell her about ANYTHING AGAIN. so take a breather- i dontt hink youre in a situation as bad as that.

"How do you guys deal with this? Am I really being bad?"

personally, i wouldnt rely on the opinions of stranger high-school kids to tell you this. this is a very personal decision and only you can decide whether youre pleased with your behavior or not. the truth is that you probably knew this already, adn you just phrased your question without the exactness i'm going into. you should realize that youre really asking to hear the different sides of the arguments. and, to be honest, the poll is a little biased. youre posting on a website that is almost completely secular Jews- with one orthodox Jew (me) (i am not pointing out any superiority or inferiority; im just pointing out objective proportions), and NO parents. so i would keep in mind that the responses you receive will not be so equally-weighted.

now your post gets interesting.
"In high school I was not allowed to date anyone who was not jewish."

in my opinion, thats not a fair thing for your parents to do. i'm assuming that youre house is a secular one- your parents didnt keep kosher or the sabbath, didnt learn Torah. correct me if i'm wrong; im assuming this based on the proportions of this website. so for your parents to be free-thinking in all Judaic opinions in the house (like sabbath, kosherness, etc.) and then tell you that you can't be free-thinking with dating is not so logical. i definitely hear why you have such problems with this. i would too! like i plan to forbid my kids from dating non-Jews, but i also plan to forbid them and act to the utmost strictness regarding EVERY Judaic decision. your parents' inconsistency is whats understandibly bothering you.

"I made the mistake of telling my mom, she reacted... badly. She brings it up whenever I'm home and makes little comments about how I'm hurting her and doing the wrong thing."

on the other hand, i can see where she's coming from. think of it- she wouldnt be so adamant if she didnt truly believe in her cause, especially knowing the emotional ramifications of her adamant-ness in the house. think of what her reason is. im sure you can figure it out. i can think of some. she doesnt care how free minded her Jewish house is, as long as its Jewish. and thats very understandable- people feel uncomfortable allowing their families to break a tradition that has been going on for thousands of years, and (lets say we fast forward) your intermarriage, as socially acceptable as it is (nowadays) would accomplish that breakage to the fullest degree. im sure you can figure out what your moms reasons are more than i can.

you know what a good idea is to figure out her reasons? talk to her! ask her- shes probably more than willing to tell you. the hard part of that conversation is for you to keep in mind that she actually might have something notable and legitimate to say.

i want to adress what some people previously posted. your dating, as explained above, can definitely hurt your mother.

should parents be happy when their kids are happy? lets take some extreme examples. (i admit theyre extreme, but extreme examples are what tell us whehter our beliefs are fool-proof). lets say someone on this website would have a child, and that child would (G-d forbid) become the next osama bin laden. or achmadinejad. osama and achmadijy are very happy with where they are; would any of us be happy with them if they were G-d forbid our child? i dont think i need to say more.

"Now I'm in college and "dating" a non-jew. If he's my "boyfriend," I havent been informed haha. It's college.. but anyway."

lets get practical. this doesnt sound very serious. i dont even know what your status is. maybe you should introspect and figure out if this (seemingly) completely non-serious relationship is worth all your worries.

good luck!