ok so a couple months ago i had the most amazing boyfriend ever. but suddenly after 4 months i got tired of him and felt trapped, so i broke up with him. my best friend, who i introduced him to when me and him were still dating, had been talking to him and they started to like each other and now they're going out. when we first became friends, we SWORE to each other we'd never date any of each other's exes under any circumstances. i feel very betrayed and i think that she feels i should make an exception for her. our friendship and the status of if they should break up or not keeps changing. she's constantly changing her mind about me and him and her and the whole situation. sometimes she says she'd be willing to break up with him, and sometimes she goes off at me for not letting her be happy. one of the biggest problems is i feel like i may still be in love with my ex, but i cant tell if im in love with him and want him back or if its just the same old territorial feeling you have over a past flame that is coming back to haunt me. maybe it would be different if he was dating someone that was NOT a friend of mine, but thats not the case. another bump in the story is that i told my ex how i feel and he says he is still in love with me, but loves my best friend too. if it werent for me, they wouldnt even know each other. and they havent even had the courtesy to at least thank me. and yet ANOTHER bump is that i recently started liking this other guy, who i doubt likes me back, but who im hoping maybe could get my mind off my ex and my friend. its just that everywhere i go or look i see or hear something that has to do with them. and my other best friend is on their side! almost completely ignoring the fact that im hurting so much. and my friend that is with my ex is encouraging me to stop loving my ex and telling me to go for this other guy who probably has no interest in me at all. this whole situation has made me sad, angry, betrayed, lonely confused... and its all to hard to bear. especially right now.

there are alot of other dramatic things that have happened, but thats basically it. and if this post isnt too confusing... can anyone tell me what i should do?

seriously, this is one of those total no-win situations... i think most of us have been in places like this at some point in our lives.

u really need to search you own heart to decide how you feel about your ex first. because that will give u some sort of direction in terms of how to deal with the rest.

if u r def still in love with him, well then there is more of a reason to ask your best friend to restrain herself out of respect for the fact the the 'embers are still hot' in your past relationship. asking a friend to at least respect a cooling-off period of, say, 2-3 months, is a fair request to make.

u also don't want to be sending mixed signals to your ex, b/c that can just create all kinds of drama that you don't want or neeed. u don't want to get back into a relationship that you then discover (again) is not what you want. and u also don't want to be/feel like an emotional basket-case who keeps bouncing back and forth.

finally, it is hard to move on and decide what to do with new love-interests when your feelings for past interests are unclear.

so from all three angles, the most important thing is for you to really search you heart and see how you feel.

could it be that you are simply hanging on to old feelings because it sux to be alone? think about it - u broke up with this guy for a reason. yeah, now that you are alone, and suddenly he is good for someone else that you love and respect (your best friend), it makes you wish you were not alone and wonder if u let a good catch go. but trust yourself and your first instincts. rarely is the answer in life behind us. take a deep breath, and go forward and look for a great guy, and accept that what is good for your best friend is fine to be good for her, and that you have great taste for yourself and will find the right guy as soon as you remember that you are a great catch and have nothing to worry about! :-)

but i think that if the confusion is still lingering after all this time, then maybe just ask them to give you the consideration of putting things on hold for six weeks or even a little more if they can handle it. that will give you time to think and clarify your own feeelings, it will allow them not to feel guilty that they have betrayed you (b/c they will have shown a fair amount of respect for your feelings), and if they are meant to be, it will only make their hearts grow fonder.