hey,

thanx for giving me the heads up on this post and asking for my input.

you sure are in a tough situation there!

so what can we do for you?

in terms of the privacy issue and the struggles you are experiencing with mom and dad reading posts etc. shufleye, the site manager is going to respond to you on that cus he knows a lot more about it than me.

deeper stuff:

love is one of those things that assaults us with its sweetness.... it is so f***ing painful but yet we want it so badly. bottom line, i feel for you and I can tell you that i know the pain cuts to the bone and you can choose to either seal yourself off from it or accept it and learn through it.

growing up, i always thought that when I became an adult I would be able to leave the agonies of my teens behind and live some sort of sanguine existence. what i have learned though, is that to stay human I have to be a little broken. the people i know who have "forgotten" (although i dont think they ever really can) all those struggles are the people who lack the ability to relate to others compassionately, meeting them where they are and appreciating them for it instead of expecting them to meet an expectation. so, getting broken isnt the worst thing. the worst thing is either staying completely shattered, or, equally bad, rebuilding yourself like a wall so you are safe but also imperviious to living and being human.

i dont know what will be with you and mr. A. maybe you will stay in love, maybe you wont. but the most important thing is that you let this make you wiser and stronger and that you not let the anarchy of being overwhelm your ability to stay true to yourself and what you value.

there are clearly some major differences between you and your folks as to what is ok and what is not, also some boundary issues. I am not a therapist, so i cant tell you how to resolve this specific quandry. however, whether the specific issue with mr. A says an issue or not, these are things that need to be considered and dealt with, 'cus there will be other things... you have a whole life to fill with both successes and failures of which they will be a part on some level!

but for sure, the answer is never just to "grin and bear it". this, i can tell you with certainty because that was my approach as a teen and i can tell you that there are still a lot of seething emotions underlying my relationship with my parents that i have had to spend a lot of time trying to deal with and will probably continue doing so for quite some time.